“Rumors confirmed…Rooster has Avian Influenza”

AT A PRESS CONFERENCE TODAY AT TEAM NAIL CITY’S HEADQUARTERS, ROOSTER KRAMER CONFIRMED WHAT MANY HAVE SUSPECTED ALL SEASON, THAT HE HAS CONTRACTED THE BIRD FLU VIRUS. DURING THE PRESS CONFERENCE, ROOSTER SAID THAT HE HAS STRUGGLE PHYSICALLY SINCE EARLY WINTER AND THINGS ONLY SEEM TO BE ONLY GETTING WORSE. AT LAST NIGHTS Wednesday RIDE, THE FIRST OF THE SEASON, ROOSTER CAME UNHITCHED EARLY AND OFTEN. THE FINAL STRAW WAS WHEN STEPHAN “THE SKELETOR”, DROPPED HIM LIKE A BAD HABIT ON THE CLIMB UP TO DEMENT ROAD. THE ROOSTER LIMPED HOME ALONE, WELL OUT OF THE TIME LIMIT, AND WAS LISTED AS DNF.

AT THE EMOTIONAL CONFERENCE, IN WHICH THE ROOSTER SHOWED THE TEARS OF HIS PERSONAL AGONY ON NUMEROUS OCCASIONS, HE STATED THAT THE BITM WEEKEND WAS NOT TO BE THIS YEAR AND THAT HIS FUTURE IN CYCLING WAS DOUBTFUL. hE THANKED HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE FOR HER YEARS OF SUPPORT AS WELL OF THE MANY STRONG MAN THAT HE HAS RIDDEN FOR OR WHO HAVE LENT HIM A KIND WHEEL THROUGH HIS CAREER. MOST NOTABLLY MENTIONED WHERE THE MIKE “THE sHERIFF” HUDIMAC AND KIM “BULLET” BUTLER WHO WERE SINGLED OUT FOR THERE YEARS ON PAIN SHARING ON THE ROADS. ROOSTER AFFECTIONATELY MENTIONED TEAM RED CANNONDALE, TEAM 23, TEAM MOUNTAIN QUADS AND OF COURSE, THE LITTLE MAN FROM MARSHALL COUNTY.

ROOSTER IS NOT SURE HOW HE CONTRACTED THE DEADLY VIRUS, BUT ASSURED THE CROWD IT WAS NOT FROM THE HOME ON STEENROD AVE THAT THE BULLET OCCUPIES. HE DID CONFIRM THAT THERE WERE A FEW BARNYARD ANIMALS AT THE BULLETS HOUSE, BUT STATED tHAT BULLET ASSURED HIM THEY WERE “JUST FRIENDS”.

THE ROOSTER KNOWS OF NO CURE AND WANTED TO SPEND HIS REMAINING DAYS AT HOME WITH WIFE AND CHILD.