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IS SKIPPER REGER THE NEXT NOSTRADUAMUS???

It appears that that the famed B Team member Bill the Skipper Reger, has the same uncanny gift to prophecy the future as did Nostraduamas in the 13th century. The Skipper foretold to the peleton in January 2008 of the leadership change in the BITM 2008 when he correctly tab the mere mortal John Kramer to take over the top spot. Many agreed with his assement that the time had arrived for new leadership, but to single out Kramer as the leader was frankly, “Thoughts of an old man babbling.” However, when the dust settled over the mountains on Sunday night, the unthinkable had occurred, Kramer stood on the top spot in GC for the BITM 2008 edition. The question now presents, is the Skipper really, William Reger-Nash-Nostraduamus?

To further support this Nostraduamus like comparison, the Skipper also predicted that:

• The Little man from Marshall County would be dethroned from his undisputed position as King of Flatulent
• Martin “The Leaning Furance” Morrison would cook road kill in a Toyota product
• Dr Mike Blatt would try to poison the entire peleton with a petroleum product
• Chainless Joe Donzella would cramp (frankly, this does not really support the Nostraduamus like comparison, since EVERYONE predicted this one)

William Reger-Nash-Nostraduamus…myth or legend??

The Sherriff commentates on BITM 2008

The Photos

• The Williams River Climb - 7K of climbing
• The A team will not catch me!!!
• I knew I shouldn't have ate all that food last night
• Can you go get that 20lb package that I left at the bottom of the climb?
• The Bull Monahan rejects the helmet rule - this is the mountains - there are no rules
• Can you take this? Chad "Junior" Hill said it clashed with my outfit.
• The Canadian making a fashion statement
• "Well yeah I know I got dropped but the wattage was too high on the Ranger Station Climb" - The Bullit
• A Team catches remnants of B team - focuses next on leader Lambie
• Mito is pleased with his new farmer tan
• Abdu thoughts on Chainless - "He had a bad day in the saddle but his ass is looking spectular"
• Chainless exclaiming "Now I know why I cramped...my quick release was too tight"

The Video

• Biega & Lambie getting caught & dropped
• The 3 Leaders - Go Scott!!!
• McCluskey & Lambie trying to get back on...
• Kramer calls the finish line
• The Rooster is resurrected as Mito - the powerhouse of the cell
• Chad "Junior" Hill gives the low down on the race

"Chainless Joe" relaxed, confident, determined, speaks on BTIM.

Joe, Chainless, Donzella the odds on favorite granted an exclusive interview during a hectic last few days before traveling to the WV mountains of Snowshoe for what my be his last chance to ever get a podium spot. Does he have the massive quads and Armstrong like VO max to overcome what has been his enemy in past BTIM's--CRAMPS?

Joe what has been the secret this year for your chiseled physique and confidence going into what many call the hell of the east, the tour at snowshoe?
Well I just suppose its my training program that includes intervals on the tandem by myself pulling Lorenzo. also my strict diet, massive training load, and its just my time.

What about your diet, you look so fit? age doesn't play a factor in your all or nothing attitude does it?
I eat a very balance diet, drink plenty of fluids, including a glass or two of fine vino, plus I pick a few scraps from my son's plate from time to time. I don't feel my age is a factor, look at all the classic riders. they are older and more experienced. I have suffered at BTIM in the past, but this year the suffering go to the chasers looking at my backside on the Williams river climb.

Joe, do you have a plan on when you will attack the group and who do you think can go with you?
Well of course I will go sometime, I don't plan on offering my wheel to anyone this year. I think Chad can climb with me Abdu can also stay with me. but in the end only Cusack and his henchman Brad will have a chance for a podium spot along side my giant quads. I'm deeply sorry the Rooster got clucked, he was quite a competitor, He will be missed, especially his yelling for the "Bullit" on the Ranger Station Climb. El-Toro and The Little Man from Marshal Country may offer some slight resistance early but both are well past prime.

Do you feel the pressure of being the favorite since the Sheriff picked you as THE ONE to beat? and is it true you may cut back on your schedule the office to race professionally this year? \
Actually I feel no pressure, with the Sheriff blessing and his non presence my name will go along side many of the greats in former BTIM's. I will not confirm that I have had offers, but my wife and child will come first this year. I may do a few regional races to pick up some pocket change but my practice comes first, at least for now. Now get the f--k away from me I have to rest up!!!!!!!!

ROOSTER SUCCOMBS DURING FLORIDA TRAINING RIDE

The long and celebrated career of John “The Rooster” Kramer, came to a tragic end two weeks ago on the deserted back roads of Central Florida. As many know, The Rooster has struggled with fitness and heart during the late winter and early spring. Bird flu weakened the former strongman and even after massive amounts of drugs, vitamins, and Chinese herbs nothing seemed to help.

While vacationing in Florida, The Rooster was desperately trying to find some legs, but it would not be. On a group ride with some overweight old dudes The Rooster struggled to stay on the back of the pack. It was then that Ollie with his ice tea drink strapped between his areo bars, dialed up the tempo. The speed increase as the Rooster’s legs decreased and Bammm, the Rooster was done. Not just done for the day, but done…gone…finished….dead….buried….f---in killed on the side of the road. It was over.

As one passerby said, “you could not even get a decent cup of chicken soup out of what was left….”

John Kramer, without his alter ego, will be left to ride with only himself. Time will not be kind to this mere human.

The cycling world is in utter disarray with first the loss of the Sheriff and now the Rooster. With no clear leader, the BITM weekend will be interesting to say the least. Does Chainless Joe Donzella have the balls to go for the 4 hour mark? Can Abdu Wright get up to the ranger station with his legs and in his head? El Torro is showing good fitness with a “slimmer” silhouette, but will 15 pounds be enough or was 20 the magic number. The Little man has not been seen all winter and spring, but as the weather turns south, his chances turn up. The Bullit will be steady and running on a high hematocrit. Will it be enough? Chad “The Boy” Hill has youth on his side, but with his weak heart unless he carries an AED, his chances of the podium spot are just that…spotty. Johnny Cusack has put in mega miles in the last two weeks in order to find his legs, but has he left them in Graysville? Brad “The Gasman” Hand seems to be on form and will be a darkhorse. Jim Biega is well, just too fat…NF.

The mountains are calling……who will answer

TNC Member Gets His GED!

The only training that TNC member Doug Merriman has been getting lately is for his newly acquired GED, Groundhog Elimination Device. “The training has been extensive but I am happy to have accomplished it” Merriman said. He stated that the past year was a setback for all bikers on the Wheeling Bike Trail. “We had to take back our ground” he said after the winter’s ceasefire. “It was not enough to simply implement this new technology, I wanted to take it to the Next Level”, he was referring to the ingenious new stretcher pod that was designed to carry wounded Colnago Riders! He quickly gained the support of other TNC riders in his efforts. Dr Michael Blatt offered advanced pulmonary support while Dr. Joseph Donzella offered Acute Medical Care. John Cusack will salvage and keep bicycle parts while Dr. John Kramer offered to ride along spraying down the wounds with acetone????? What a Guy!!!!

WAGONS TO BE CIRCLED:REMEMBER THE ALAMO

Gather the women and children, the natives want blood. Huddle and hide from the inevitable or stand and fight. Take the risk and go for it, Death will be quick. My spirit lives on, I'm as good as I ever once was. Give in and accept. training + teamwork=success. The Zulu's have us surrounded, how shall we respond - its up to you......

I will lead the charge up the hill, anybody willing to follow?

The Sheriff-- accepting, loving, humbled, thankful and worn, but my spirit is there. Good luck boys in the mountains 2008

THE ROOSTER TO LIVE AND RIDE AGAIN

Chainless "the truth" Donzella, renowned physician, bike rider and confidante has seemingly saved the rooster from his death bed. Reports that workmen at the Mount Calvary Cemetery were preparing his box had the cycling world in a state of disbelief. "When I heard the news today I was shocked! I knew I had to do something to help my mentor and friend ". I quickly consulted with my colleagues out west, at the famed and locked down "Area 51". After much deliberation, we found the source of the "so called Avian flu" to be no more then a common strain of Ox-mule influenza. It appears the rooster had contracted it while doing solo training rides this winter on wet "horse $hit" laden roads. Most likely near West Alexander or Claysville PA.

I quickly mixed up a combination of Tamiflu and Vancomycin and infused it intravenously into the Rooster. He was last seen wondering around looking for a "spigot "? It does appear, however that he will be ready for BITM in 4 weeks time. "His recovery will be usual. If he takes his Tylenol on schedule, in two days he can ride the trainer. By the weeks end he should be feeling well enough to ride outside again", Chainless stated.

As for his mental state, I can not comment. My prayers and thoughts are with him and his family in his time of need.........
Joseph G. Donzella DO

COVETED SNOWSHOE CUP UP FOR GRABS

TIFFANY'S JEWELERS HAVE PRODUCED A CUSTOM AWARD TO BE GIVEN TO THE FIRST FINISHER IN THE BITM CLASSIC. THIS ATTRACTIVE PIECE IS SOLID GOLD WITH A MARBLE BASE. IT WAS DESIGNED TO DRINK FROM, EAT CEREAL FROM OR USE FOR A URNIAL IF NEEDED, A VERY VERSITILE AWARD INDEED. THE SHERIFF MIKE HUDIMAC HELPED DESIGN THIS CUP AND WILL TURN IT OVER TO WINNING RIDER IN THIS YEARS TOUR. NOTICE THE CARBON FIBER TOWER HOLDING A RIDER IN FULL ZOOT. IT TOOK OVER A MONTH FOR DOUG AT TOUCHSTONE TO DESIGN IT. THE CUP, NOT QUITE FINISHED, WILL BE ENGRAVED WITH ALL PAST AND FUTURE WINNERS. SORCES CLOSE TO THE SHERIFF HAD SUGGESTED THE CUP BE NAMED THE "STUCKO CUP" FOR THE FAMED RIDER WHO GOT LOST IN A SNOWSTORM AND ENDED UP IN THE CREEK. HE WAS LATER RESCUED BUT WAS NEVER THE SAME RIDER. HUMBLE AS EVER STUCKO WILL BE UNABLE TO ATTEND, BUT WILL OFFER VIDEO CONGRATULATIONS. THE CUP WILL BE STORED EACH WINTER ALONG SIDE THE STANLEY AND SUPER BOWL TROPHY. A SIMILAR MODEL MADE OUT OF TIN AND PLASTIC WILL BE GIVE TO FIRST B TEAM RIDER ACROSS THE LINE.

“Rumors confirmed…Rooster has Avian Influenza”

AT A PRESS CONFERENCE TODAY AT TEAM NAIL CITY’S HEADQUARTERS, ROOSTER KRAMER CONFIRMED WHAT MANY HAVE SUSPECTED ALL SEASON, THAT HE HAS CONTRACTED THE BIRD FLU VIRUS. DURING THE PRESS CONFERENCE, ROOSTER SAID THAT HE HAS STRUGGLE PHYSICALLY SINCE EARLY WINTER AND THINGS ONLY SEEM TO BE ONLY GETTING WORSE. AT LAST NIGHTS Wednesday RIDE, THE FIRST OF THE SEASON, ROOSTER CAME UNHITCHED EARLY AND OFTEN. THE FINAL STRAW WAS WHEN STEPHAN “THE SKELETOR”, DROPPED HIM LIKE A BAD HABIT ON THE CLIMB UP TO DEMENT ROAD. THE ROOSTER LIMPED HOME ALONE, WELL OUT OF THE TIME LIMIT, AND WAS LISTED AS DNF.

AT THE EMOTIONAL CONFERENCE, IN WHICH THE ROOSTER SHOWED THE TEARS OF HIS PERSONAL AGONY ON NUMEROUS OCCASIONS, HE STATED THAT THE BITM WEEKEND WAS NOT TO BE THIS YEAR AND THAT HIS FUTURE IN CYCLING WAS DOUBTFUL. hE THANKED HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE FOR HER YEARS OF SUPPORT AS WELL OF THE MANY STRONG MAN THAT HE HAS RIDDEN FOR OR WHO HAVE LENT HIM A KIND WHEEL THROUGH HIS CAREER. MOST NOTABLLY MENTIONED WHERE THE MIKE “THE sHERIFF” HUDIMAC AND KIM “BULLET” BUTLER WHO WERE SINGLED OUT FOR THERE YEARS ON PAIN SHARING ON THE ROADS. ROOSTER AFFECTIONATELY MENTIONED TEAM RED CANNONDALE, TEAM 23, TEAM MOUNTAIN QUADS AND OF COURSE, THE LITTLE MAN FROM MARSHALL COUNTY.

ROOSTER IS NOT SURE HOW HE CONTRACTED THE DEADLY VIRUS, BUT ASSURED THE CROWD IT WAS NOT FROM THE HOME ON STEENROD AVE THAT THE BULLET OCCUPIES. HE DID CONFIRM THAT THERE WERE A FEW BARNYARD ANIMALS AT THE BULLETS HOUSE, BUT STATED tHAT BULLET ASSURED HIM THEY WERE “JUST FRIENDS”.

THE ROOSTER KNOWS OF NO CURE AND WANTED TO SPEND HIS REMAINING DAYS AT HOME WITH WIFE AND CHILD.